Trip Down Memory Lane

For some reasons, I must have lowed down the temperature of the a/c that I started feeling cold. I was so lazy to turn the room temp warmer that I just wrapped my sheets all over me.

Then I felt really sad. If he was just with me, it wouldn't be that cold. If he was with me, then I will have his arms wrapped around me instead of my cold, thin sheet.

I'm really longing for Chris and I cannot describe how bad I miss him. Having a long distance relationship is very hard. There are many times when I already wanted to let go. When friends ask me how's my relationship with him and I tell them that we still manage to hold on, they're reactions would either be telling me to break up with him, or advising me to find someone else. So much for being supportive if you ask me.

It's really hard. Sometimes, I would hate myself for doubting his honesty. We don't talk everyday and the 12-hour time difference could get in the way, but we try to catch up on a regular basis. One time, I sent him an email about breaking up if he already found another, I was even ready to forget about him and move on. For a week I did not hear from him so I thought that was my cue to to start again, but much to my surprise, we talked as though he never got my email. It has never ended to begin with.

I have loved every moment I spent with him. All our foolish stunts, hopeful plans, late-night talks, I cherished. I think about him everyday but he doesn't know. On the other hand, he has told me he thinks of me and I want to believe it when he said it.

Whenever I ask him when is he coming to visit, he would tell me as soon as he can. No exact date. No assurance. I'm surprise I'm still holding on.

I think I'm ready for the time when he will tell me he's found another. I have prepared myself in the very beginning not to expect anything from him and just enjoy the ride. "Come what may" I would tell myself each day.

I don't want to think that months from now I will go back to this entry and regret I've confessed to the world how much I was smitten by his charms. What I want is to wake up months from now, even years, and read this, with him by my side.

It's going to be rough and tough, and all I have are memories of the two of us together, crazy happy. I hope those memories are enough to keep us together. Enough to one day bring us together.