graduation jitters

...that's why I'm doomed! Anyway, I don't want to talk about this anymore. What will happen, will happen. But if I don't graduate this semester, screw her! I'm going to give her food, and I'd make sure it's poisoned!

(Insanity enveloped me when I got the biggest blow of my college life.)

Shaking Branches

I don't know. But whenever I muster enough courage to let you go, you give me all the reasons to hold tighter.

Care(er) Mom (part one)

When I was little, he would wake me up in the morning, prepare my breakfast, and take me in for a quick morning shower, while she was still in bed, snoring all of a long night's work. By the time I hear the school bus honk its horn to pick me up, she would still be in her red, chinese-print night dress, curled up in the sheet. Even when sleeping, she looked lovely, and so much more when she was awake. At forty-one, she was able to keep her figure which could be one reason why later in my early teens, I would find that she had a couple affairs.

Unlike the typical, domesticated housewives, my mom was quite the opposite. She works hard until she doesn't have the time to pick me up from school, or go to the zoo with me the way moms and daughters do. When I was in preschool, I always wondered why my classmates can brag about the new pencil cases and boxes of 64 crayolas their moms bought for them, while all I do is show my Hello Kitty lunch box proudly say she prepared a hearty snack for me. I did that everyday for two years even though I know it was always my dad or the maid who would wake up in the morning to do mom stuff for me.

When I got home after school, I would hurriedly go to her office only to find her not there. I would ask her sewers where she is, and they would just tell me she went to Manila for business and would not be back until dinner time. It was almost impossible to catch her because of work, because of overtime, because of business meetings. Of course during that time, I was craving for too much attention and would be a little upset when she was busy. In my childhood years, I oftentimes thought how it would be like it she wasn't working full-time.

My playmates and I would talk about our moms. They would tell me they get so tired of their moms being home all the time, scolding them every minute, asking them to run errands daily. I would tell them I wish my mom was like theirs, and we would joke around, telling each other we might need to trade-in like we do with scented stationery and Barbies.

cats and dogs

When we were little, we would always fight like cats and dogs, literally. I would scratch him, he would push me at the edge of the stair, I would lock him out of the house. We really hate each other and didn't bother talk. He has his own thing, I have mine. 

Then, our parents separated when I was 11 and he was 10. After that, it took both of us to another turn. I started caring for him a lot. And I really mean a LOT! I was not just his ate, I also was his mom from that day on.

11 years after, we were inseparable. We became each other's partner in crime. Sometimes we would look back and talk of our cats-and-dogs  phase and we will burst in laughter as we realize how childish we both were. 

My brother knows me so well and loves me for who I am. He doesn't have a choice anyway! But he's always there to listen to all my cheesy, eeeeckie stories, he's there to help me make the best decision. He'd knock me to consciousness when I'm floating away. He's the best brother I could ever have and sure I'm proud of him.

He's my worst critic and my biggest fan. I love him all the more.